Deep thoughts, random insights, and musings by Susan Jacobs

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Some Purim fun ... a bit late

Most years on Purim since I've lived in Pittsburgh, my shul has put on a Purim shpiel, and I have helped to write it. This year, I wrote six short skits. Most were inside jokes about the shul, but one has universal appeal, so I post it here for you reading enjoyment.

"The Shotgun"

Rachel walks on stage, carrying a shotgun. Practices aiming it and looking through the viewfinder.

Adina enters.

Adina: Rachel! What are you doing? Why in the world are you holding a shotgun?

Rachel: Oh this? I'm just trying to find a husband.

Adina: A husband? What made you think that a shotgun would help you with that?

Rachel: I thought this is what everyone does. People keep telling me that I need to find a good shotgun, and then I'll be able to find the man I've been looking for.

Adina: Well I sure hope that thing's not loaded! After all, you want to bring him home alive when you find him.

Rachel: Oh, don't worry, I didn't buy any ammunition -- just the gun. Nobody said anything about bullets. They just said to get a shotgun. Some people said to find a whole lot of them -- even mentioned looking for some in New York, but I can't figure that out since there are all sorts of laws about transporting firearms across state lines. (looks puzzled)

Adina: Who told you this?

Rachel: Oh, everyone. Everyone says if you want to find a Jewish husband these days, you need a good shotgun.

Adina: Honey, you're not on a ranch in Texas. And, besides, the last thing you want is a shotgun wedding.

Rachel: Oh, no one said anything about threatening a man to marry me. They just said that a shotgun would help me meet men. Don't you have a shotgun? You seem to have lots of dates.

Adina: Are you kidding? I'm a card-carrying member of the ACLU. I've never handled a gun in my life!

Rachel: Then how do you get all your dates?

Adina: Well, mostly people set me up.

Rachel: Exactly! That's what I want, but I thought that I needed a shotgun for that.

Adina: No, no, a shotgun won't help you with that. What you need is a shadchan.

Rachel: Oh! A shadchan! I guess I misunderstood. Whew, I'm so relieved -- I'm a terrible shot.

Adina: I can see why you made the mistake. Shotguns, shadchans -- sometimes there's really not much difference.