Deep thoughts, random insights, and musings by Susan Jacobs

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Some thoughts on dating

I recently attended a large singles Shabbaton. While these events can sometimes be horribly awkward and disappointing, this time I genuinely had a good time. I was reunited with some female friends from college and had a few enjoyable conversations with some guys. I’m not sure if the Shabbaton will directly lead to any dating prospects for me, but at the very least, it made me feel good to know that there are still a lot of single people in my age group who are intelligent and attractive, and reasonably normal who have simply not yet met their matches. Being among such company reassures me that there is nothing wrong with me.

The Shabbaton was also somewhat eye-opening. Among the hundreds of people there were quite a few whose photos I had seen online on various dating sites. It was fascinating to see how different many people were in person than I expected them to be from their online profiles. When people post photos of themselves online, they are generally looking their best and exuding confidence. But in person, I realized that many of the guys I met, like me, have their own insecurities about dating.

I am not saying this to demean the guys I met. Rather, the weekend made me more sympathetic to the difficulties of being a guy who is expected by society to take the lead in dating, but who may be uncomfortable with this situation to begin with, and, over time, may be worn down by repeated rejections.

As a single female, among other single women, I have often discussed the frustrations many of us share with some of the men we have dated. It is generally accepted that being single above a certain age is more difficult for women than for men. While I think there is a lot of truth to this assumption, the singles weekend helped me to realize how difficult the dating landscape can be for men as well. The bottom line is, for all of us looking for our basherts, and being unsure what exactly we should do to meet the right person, the process is fraught with difficulty.


  • At September 11, 2006 at 1:54 PM, Blogger Nice Jewish Guy said…

    First, just wanted to say Nice Blog. Not sure why I never saw it before!

    I agree with your observations....speaking of course as a representative member of the male persuasion. ;)

    I actually went to a "mixer" last night, and it was one of those where there were a lot of older singles than myself, and some I've seen at previous events. It really took an effort to "get up off the wall" and initiate contact with someone I noticed who walked in and was reasonably attractive. I know I'm a decent looking guy, but I'm worried about coming across as overeager or nebby, or having something come out of my mouth that I wish hadn't! It's nice to know that our insecurities are understood too.


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