Draydel

Deep thoughts, random insights, and musings by Susan Jacobs

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I'm older than I've ever been

And now I'm even older. And now I'm even older.

For those of you unfamiliar with the wit of They Might Be Giants, the above is a nod to a song called "Older" from their "Mink Car" album (sorry, I'm too tired to find a link now, but I highly recommend the group, especially for anyone with a quirky sense of humor).

I write these words because today I am a year older. Yes, my friends, I have reached another birthday. In some ways 28 is easier than, say, 25, because I've already gotten past the shock of being an adult and still not knowing how my life will turn out. In recent years, I have learned that life is an unfolding mystery in which we cannot possibly know what the next day holds, even when we are certain that we do. Man plans, G-d laughs. You know how it is.

While I know that 28 is not at all old, it is still difficult to come to terms with the idea that that is how old I am. On the other hand, I am also proud of how far I've come, and have no desire to go back to being in the over-idealized early twenties.

All things considered, the last year has been a good, productive one for me. Since my last birthday I have been reading and writing more, and exercising more -- I now take two intense ballet classes a week, sometimes three, and I am probably in the best shape I've been since high school. All of these activities also make me feel more accomplished, and more interesting. I've also developed somewhat of an addiction to clothes shopping, which is not great for my bank account, but has allowed me to put together a wardrobe that makes me feel more sophisticated.

Since my last birthday, I followed up on a promise to myself to take a trip to Israel, which I had last visited in 1996. In July, I was in the Holy Land for nine days -- as much time off as I could arrange. The experience was both fun and spiritually uplifting, and made me feel as though I was doing something good for Israel and its economy.

I had the good fortune to escape a job in which I felt stifled to return to my chosen career as a journalist.

And, I slowly moved on from a very painful breakup to the point that I am now interested in meeting guys and dating them -- as opposed to just feeling that I should, lest I die alone and be eaten by an Alsatian.

Altogether, it has been a year of self-discovery and self-empowerment. I have a lot more confidence than I did a year ago, and I am so much happier.

So, I am glad to be living my life, and embracing the changes that time brings, even if that means that I will continue to be older than I've ever been before. (And now I'm even older. And so are you, my friends.)

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